...then the door locks and in four hours

...then the door locks and in four hours your oven is clean! I was impressed how the high temperatures scoured the cooked-on grease, but I forgot that I had left inside a

pomegranate. When I opened the door there was what appeared to be a small ruby in the bottom of the immaculate self-cleaning oven. "Holy shnikies!" I exclaimed. My uncle was a jewe

l thief! I picked the crimson facet off the oven's basting pan. Was it the stolen Carmen Lúcia? I held it to the light to examined it with my loupe & whistled. Then Aunt Gracy ente

wined her arms tightly around my neck, grunted & whispered in a raspy voice. "MINE!" Aunt Gracy? A jewel thief? She snatched the sparkling Carmen Lucia from my grasp & shoved me

right into a Puerto Rican family reunion. That was just mean. Three days later my Aunt Gracy skipped town with the sparkling jewels. She was in Prague, selling them to a fence

builder named Kaz who no longer wanted to build fences, preferring a life of crime. Aunt Suzy soon fell in love with this mysterious Czech man she sold stolen jewels to, and they

ran off together to Mlada Boleslav. Aunt Suzy & Kaz got jobs at the Skoda factory. Kaz made steel and Aunt Suzy wrote advertising copy. 'Skoda - they're great!' was what got her hi

Pster son a job at Nick The Butcher. Peter had

Less luck than his swanky brother, Pster, and remainied unemployed forlornly roaming the streets with his metal detector in hand. Suddenly, an otherworldly ping alerted Peter

that another baby had fallen from its crib and needed an escort to Neverland. Peter was happy to get out of Pster's glam world and fly back to his heaven for fallen children.