In one moment, every drop of blood in my

In one moment, every drop of blood in my body was brought to a stop. There, in the middle of the dark, damp road…. stood the figure of a solitary women, dressed in white.

And a veil. Oh sh*t. It was my girlfriend, dropping hints again. We'd been dating only 8 years & here she was pressuring me to put a ring on it. My headlights illuminated her face

, on her face in phosphorescent paint were the words "Marry Me". My gamophobia kicked in big time. I panicked, shifted into reverse and floored it

. VROOOOM...chug, chug..cough...chug...ssssst. I only got about 50 feet before my vehicle sputtered & died. Her phosphorescent face pressed up against my window. Marry her? No way.

The phantom bride hitchhiker motioned me to roll down my window as I desperately tried to restart the engine. I pantomimed that I could not hear her and turned up the radio.

The bride huffed, and offered me a boquet of roses in return for me to open my window. When I refused, her eyes turned red, and she grew long, bloodstained claws, tearing at the

delicate fabric of her gown, and not stopping there. The chair was destroyed next, but I knew that the window has to remain shut. If it were to be opened, I knew that the effect

Of some of the best stories first folded in January 2014 and finished two and a half years later. Was it that long? 569 more chairs were destroyed before this line was folded.

There is. Those hobby linguists have gigantic bottoms, the kind that kill chairs. It all come from too much sitting and talking. Next time I'm giving them rocks to sit on.