On a good day he felt tall. So tall that
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On a good day he felt tall. So tall that he could almost just reach the top; today was not that day. He realized what was going on; cheetos weren't doing it any more.
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They seemed to do more for his width than his height. He resolved to eat less junkfood starting tomorrow and grabbed another handful with one hand while he tried one last time to
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begin self-guided lasik surgery. I'll be so famous, he thought triumphantly, that my parents will finally love me for my
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ability to make money off of product placement scams. My parents were talent agents in Hollywood. They never loved me for my looks or intelligence. But when I wore that Van's T
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-shirt they insisted I base jump off the Sears Tower. They recieved a nice check while I recovered in the hospital. My parents then sold my forehead ad space to Red Bull.
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That meant having to walk around with two wings attached to the sides of my forehead and the redbull-can tattooed on my forehead. And if that wasn't enough, they decided to cash in
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all of their used lottery tickets to purchase the pony that I had always wanted. The messed up part was that they slaughtered the pony right before my very eyes using only a
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large pile of "Hoarders" DVD's to suffocate it. "After we let it sit under there for a few days, we can make a pot of pony bologna," my dad said. I called a Hoarders producer for
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life advice. I said "When things get bad I turn to alcohol. It helps for a while but then things just get even worse. Plus my Dad wants me to eat pony bologna." The Hoarders produc
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-ers continued coaxing and promising to bring in world renown therapists. Keep the cameras rolling. "Cry baby cry! You'll be a star, trust me."
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- Started
- 2011-03-10 15:02:56
- Finished
- 2012-06-28 00:37:41
6 Comments
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SlimWhitman Jun 28 2012 @ 05:40
Cheetos only leads to the harder formers of junk food... like pony bologna. So don't start kids!
49erFaithful Jun 28 2012 @ 11:48
Have you ever had fried pony bologna wrapped around a spicy hot cheeto? My theory is that once you combine junk food items, they become fine-dining delicacies. BTW, pony and bologna have to be high on the list of unlikely to rhyme words based on spelling. Maybe pony should be spelled pogna.
Chaz Jun 28 2012 @ 13:45
Phull of fogna bologna. :)
SlimWhitman Jun 28 2012 @ 15:54
We have a winner story here - even the commentary makes me LOL!
buddyboy4711 Jun 28 2012 @ 17:49
My Little Pony bologna. Make it happen, Hasbro! --- Also, if our protagonist named his pony before its death, the ensuing bologna's first name would not be O-s-c-a-r.
Chaz Jun 29 2012 @ 00:17
Mom? Why is my luncheon meat all pink and sparkly?