Dan put the pedal to the floor and the tan

Dan put the pedal to the floor and the tan Honda squealed out into the traffic. There were still thumps coming from the trunk, from the full grown pig he'd had to wrestle

Bernie turned to Meg and the pressed-shirts and said, "It has to bee 40% beef, that's fine, but the question is what exactly is Beef? Is furniture beef? If it's made of leather

that's grade A, but if you throw in a few sandals & hooves, that drops it down to top sirloin. The 40% beef is actually 30% tap water, 12% furniture polish, and 55% soy substitute.

I ran outside to vomit, and promptly swore to be a vegetarian and to support PETA in any way I could. After retching and making these life altering decisions, I went...

back into the bar, to rejoin my friends. The next morning when I awoke (with a terrible headache of course) I remembered the new years resolutions I had made the night before and

cried with joy; I had been in a gang bang!

Thats what three year old son calls cars backfiring and drive by shootings, "gang bang". I tried to explain how cars backfire but know he thinks that cars can "Fart Bullets"

In all actuality, cars could fart bullets, but those art cars got banned on the playa for injuring hapless naked burners trying to catch the public transportation. But he couldn't

know, being a beach tourist, that the local art hooligans flaunted establishment and a fleet of flatulant retro low-riders cruised by and shot off his kneecaps.