I sighed. There, in the coffee room, was

I sighed. There, in the coffee room, was a lone quarter of a cake doughnut from this morning. Dare I eat it? But only a piggy would finish the box. I split it in half again.

Mmmm. So tasty, such sugary softness. A dessert so good they named a shape after it and let you eat it for breakfast. Then: epiphany! There was an unfinished box of donut holes in

my pants. I put donut holes into my jocky shorts for a very peculiar reason. It's something I call "Nasty Fun."

When I'm riding Golden Nuggets through the final turn of the Kentucky Derby, and the damsels in their lucky hats spy with their binocles my family jewels as I bring up the rear

& give my Golden Nuggets his head, the crowd goes wild! We flew past Eager Beaver, overtook 69Delight, & found ourselves neck to neck with Thick Richard. It would be a photo finish

for the Smut Challenge Cup, but Golden Nuggets squeezed in on the railings & won by a short nose. When the cheering crowds surrounded him in the winner's enclosure, Golden Nuggets

thumbed their noses at the hairy competition. The crowd took their sunglasses off to triumph at the Smut Challenge Cup's 2014 Winner: Golden Nuggets. April Showers and Toe Jam sigh

The World Cup of 2016 could not top this one, but it tried. A team of Big Toes competed against Treefingers Anonymous in the championship. Treefingers tied it with 0:45 left in the

toilet and the remains of the 2nd official that questioned their intentions. Were there anymore takers? he asked them. The faces were there but not the legs to come forward, volunt

-eers rushed in to wheel the faces to the official's beckoning. The faces protested, saying that they had no intention of taking him up on his offer. They wheeled them off a cliff.