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I found out my best friend was in love with

  • I found out my best friend was in love with me all this time and I thought I was really stupid for not knowing. I liked her too but there was also another girl I liked, I don't

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  • know what love is. I asked my friend if she wanted to make out. She was down! This world is crazy. Then we had sex. Then she got pregnant! I wasn't down for that. I skipped town

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  • . They caught up with me in Sweden. She pointed at me from a line-up. I escaped the Gulag. She released the blood hounds. I knew I should have used protection. Pushing through the

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  • the hole I cut in the barbed wire I edged across the road and climbed into the waiting car. I could hear the hounds. An Assange Angels was behind the wheel. She gave me a wink and

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  • a stack of papers stained with streaks of blood. As the Assange Angel drove into the night, I flipped through the papers. Reading by a lighter light, I saw blood on my hands

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  • and cursed my paper cuts. They stung like a bitch. I checked the clock, wondering when the Assange Angel would drive back. Did angels know how to drive automatics? How to use GPS?

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  • Or would the Assange Angel just completely forget the car and fly over here himself, leaving me without my own transport? I winced again as the soapy water entered the tiny cuts on

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  • my body. "Listen," I called out to the Angel. "You have to help me." I didn't care if the angel couldn't hear me. I would make that infernal being help me! I would FORCE them to!

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  • Suddenly an ethereal presence blinded me. "Oi you," said the archangel Raphael, "I'm a patient kind of other-wordly being, but what's with the constant whining? I respond to quiet

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  • plaints of existential anguish -- but whining really grates upon my ears. And angels have sensitive ears, you know! Easily abraded! Oh ... " said Raphael, shyly, and I was healed.

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