"Do you hear the voice in the flames?" "No,

"Do you hear the voice in the flames?" "No, that's just the wood popping and cracking." "No, it's talking I just can't understand the language yet." The President had lost...

her. She was freaking out again and there was nothing he could do. "I've got it! Mr. President, the voices in the flames are speaking ancient martian. They warn of an impending

attack on the Eiffel Tower!" Mr President dropped his apple strudel & dialled the French president on the special red phone. "Errr, Monsieur, le Eiffel Tower va aller KABOOM!"

The president of France, holding an equally red phone, was confused. The threat of blowing up the Eiffel hadn't gone unnoticed. "But sir, how do you know this? Who is the threat?"

Suddenly a strange looking man with black curly hair and blue eyes emerged from the shadows. He said: "It's Moriarity. He has turned back and now he's going to blow up Eiffel."

Within seconds, the men were driving off into the night, ready for whatever hit them. Except for the giant sack of potatoes that fell from the sky about six seconds after they left

Novosibirsk for Saint Petersberg. The bag of spuds was an early surprise, one of many to come, on their five day wild and woolly motorcycle trek across Northwestern Asia. Leading

the polls in the Presidential race at the time, was Donald Trump, the sole reason for setting off on the motorbike expedition. When they finally reached Гагарин

, there was an audience waiting. They got off their motorbikes and shouted "FOR RUSSIA!" to the applausing masses. And that is how World War Three was prevented.