If death were a person, I would call him

If death were a person, I would call him a greedy bitch. He always had a way of taking the good people away, leaving the assholes behind for me to deal with.

There was something in the cornhole, I heard it immediatley after I started to scrub. A subtle sound, some sort of rustling, but nonetheless apparent. Frightened, I backed away.

A low voice began to mumble from the hole, "This is not for you. Walk away now or forever burn." Sweat began to drip out of my every pore. I needed to decide what to do next.

I decided that it would be best to throw myself into the hole. After all, if you're going to go out, why not go out Kentucky Fried? I could be great with some ketchup.

just then, a knife-wielding primary-school teacher stabbed me in the face with a pink-handled pocket knife. The butterfly sticker on the handle seemed simply absurd.

As the petite schoolmarm tore at my flesh, my mind went to another place, desperately wanting to believe that I wasn't being mutilated at the production of "Chicken Soup with Rice"

But I was. Whoever the Hippie Cooz was that thought it was so awesome for kids to sing that terrible song should be drowned in her car in a river. That song stole the "cool"

side and put it right next to the "hot" side, rendering both sides "warm". And that's why that burger was never successful. I hate that song for ruining the McDonald's Corporation

but then again I never really liked McDonald's in the first place. Nothing could compare to the love I had in my heart for the Burger King. He really did let you have your way.