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"Dr.Watson,come here! I think its starting to learn to form words." Dr. Watson replied,"Don't call her 'it'. We want her to grow up like a normal child.That's just normal gibberish

. "Poppycock!" exlcaimed Holmes. "This baby knows about the Emerald Earring Affair! See how it drools on the exact story in the Times! The game is afoot! Bring a nook and a nappy!"

"Be quick about it Watson! Step to it man! Watson! Hey! What are you looking at? Answer me Watson!" Meanwhile, above Holmes's head, a huge

and well-preserved alligator, suspended by piano wires, was being lowered incrementally, as if by a silent (one assumes) winch. Holmes's ears were even sharper than his tongue, but

the alligator returned with a kilo. "A few of these, and I'll be set for life!" Within weeks, John Holmes was unimaginably rich -- but had quietly acquired a few enemies, such as

Deathbeetle, the Bard; Sikes Moscow, the Centipedist; and John Romero, the flaming douchebag. John Holmes spent his vast moneys on his alligator scheme, keeping his enemies at bay.

But the money stash wasn't neverending - and he knew that. And as the money stopped coming and kept going... he had to think to a different plan. Luckily for him,

the Democrats regained control in D.C., raised taxes & the money started rolling back in. "Phew! That was close!" Barack breathed as he picked up his golf bag & headed out again.