I was walking through the streets of New

I was walking through the streets of New York when suddenly, there was a gigantic earthquake. A chunk of the Empire State Building fell down and

hit me in the face. I died! Than i went to heaven and god had told me to go back. I went back to the real world with pain. Than godzilla came and stepped on my face, i died again..

then God said, "You again? Beat it." Back to world of pain. Then Keanu Reeves choked me in a sex game. I died. God said, "Back with thee." God was practicing soul badminton with me

as the shuttlecock. I returned to life once again, finally hoping I could be happy. I settled into my groove and made amazing music with Paul and my wife. Then some ass hat

went all ass-hatty and dumped all of the stuff into the river. Why did the river turn yellow?, we all wondered. Paul put on the Barney suit to find out. Shuttlecocks were the only

endangered birds living along the banks and they promptly went the way of the dodo. Paul dressed in the Barney suite to avoid disturbing the mating komodos. When one mistaked him

for the real Barney, they shat on him without quarter. The komodos, known for their staunch meatatarianism, were disturbed by Barney's fruit-and-veggie product-pushing.

The KPT (Kid's Protection Tribunal) brought other TV perps up on charges. Also booked were Elmo, Lambchop, that weird puppet on the Christian Public Access Channel, and Mr. Rabbit.

years later I would find out that these puppets were actually being used for brain-washing kids, so to create a sub-species of mentally challenged Communist slaves.