I loaded and cocked the gun. I thought to

I loaded and cocked the gun. I thought to myself "This world was never good enough for octopus-human love, and it will never will be!" As I raised the gun I imagined her purple

octopus self, always excited for my arrival. Tears streaming down my face, I whispered "I love you, Flogoria", and pulled the trigger. When the smoke cleared, all that remained

was a wooden log with japanese characters telling me to "go fuck myself". Damnit, I should have expected Florgoria to pull yet another dirty octopus ninja trick on me.

During a roundhouse kick she squirted me with ink--another dirty octopus ninja trick. The dirty octopus ninjas are the silliest of ninja clans. Their weapons come from novelty

shops and retired backstreet clowns. I cried out and staggered backwards. My arms flailed and I fell backwards over a trashcan. "Now you know the true POWER of the octopus!" She

exclaimed, towering over me with her eight tentacle-like arms. She lashed out at me and I rolled over at the last moment; I scrambled to my feet, pushed over a clown and ran for

this odd looking clown car. There were at least 20 clowns inside of it. I decided to hop on top of it and it drove away from the beast only to...

crash into a tree. Sounding like the death of multiple chew toys, clowns burst from the car. I hopped onto a miniscooter and sped away from the carnage and the pursuing beast.

I had the throttle pegged but the unholy creature was gaining and seemingly growing in size with every passing second. The very air around it was pulsing with heat as I careened