Bret Humorless was the most serious man in

Bret Humorless was the most serious man in the world, and he made sure everyone knew it. His colleagues at Crock O'News tried to get him to crack a smile, but

he flared his nostrils at them, distant and disdainful. Oh, but Bret was not humorless for no good reason. Wanda was the reason he was too serious. She had stolen not only his

-tory but also the other overproduced stupid album made to generate more revenue streams, "Bad." Bret had been in Poison a long time so he knew which side his bread was buttered on

... The toast side. I mean, seriously, who butters bread? Except for those awesome little nuclear creatures in that Dr. Seuss book he read that one time, but that was different!

Crispy critters, they were nicknamed by Dr. Seuss, because they satisfied a craving for an alternative to McDonald's and other frankenfoods. Dr. Seuss started a campaign to

spray Nero's behind onto the depraved hawks I loved. I didn't know what to make of this. How could Dr. Seuss do this to me? With only one of the dead woman's cookies left, I set

to rhyming seussian: would you could you with a rusk, one made by Sally who skulks at dusk? No I could not would not eat a rusk, one made from a ghostly husk,

his Significant Other Bruce could plainly see. Bruce tried to cheer up Dr. Seuss with his Alan Sues impressions, but the good doctor could only gaze painfully at his blank tablet.

He was secretly allergic to Laugh-In. The thought of it caused him to burp-fart-cough-sneeze. It ended with a little pee and loaded shorts! The agony of it all.