Charles was poised, ready to strike. Assembled

Charles was poised, ready to strike. Assembled before him were bottles of ink, calligraphy pens, and even a quill or two. Sheets of paper lined the desk. It was finally time to

fill the pens wih milk and drink the ink. This was no ordinary ink. It was filled with vitamins and steroids that reacted together causing one to laugh hysterically. Charles took

charge because this was no laughing matter. But Buddy was cackling uncontrollably. He was doubled over. Charles was angry because this was a double date and he could not

allow the spotlight to be taken off his record-setting sideburns. But both girls were focused on Buddy. The double date was turning into an outside-looking-in threesome. Charles

couldn't compete with Buddy's charismatic & flashy demeanor. The girls barely noticed Charles when he excused himself from the booth to walk into the rainy night. At 5th & Main, he

had an epiphany. What alcoholics refer to as a moment of clarity. He wasn't happy. So he cashed out, sold everything, told no one, and moved to Mexico. 5 months later, floating in

the bottom of a bottle of tequila he saw a worm whose profile looked like the three Magi & had another epiphany. Since it was January 6, the Padre declared a miracle

whip taste-tester as "the next best thing to the Savior". For once, he was almost not wrong; this humble condiment sampler was, in fact, even better than the Savior: she was

May O'Naisse, the Pure & Creamy, Eternal Queen of the Condiments. She traveled the world incognito,taste testing & performing miracle whip baptisms on downtrodden sandwich makers.

She married Colonel Mustard & had a family of little ketchups. Sadly, last week she was found dead in the library with a spanner. They're still searching for clues as to whodunit.