The man stood at the top of the stairs. Looking

The man stood at the top of the stairs. Looking at me. I dragged my eyes away from the body lying drunkenly across the lower step. My life was

getting better. As our eyes met, we felt a deep understanding. This man had something to offer me.

So I kissed him passionately. He pulled back immediately. "Whoa there! I said it was kismet, not to kiss me you bloody idiot!" I felt like such a fool. But I couldn't stop myself.

at least now i knew he was gay and that i may stand a chance if i could just

get behind him and

jab your fork all up in there! In fact, this is what Uncle Greg did at the last party, and you wouldn't BELIEVE

all the skating sponsorships he got for that stunt! Truly an inspiration. But I digressed, if you can't fit at least eighteen cheese balls in your mouth, I'm murdering you.

What the man hadn't realized at the time was how impossible it was- cheeseballs, after all, have a tendency to melt in one's mouth when mixed with saliva. Death would have to do.

So he pulled out his katana and prepared to preform the ancient ritual of seppuku. As he cut deep into his gut, he remembered his childhood days.Running through the welsh fields ..