It was a dark and stormy evening

It was a dark and stormy evening

in the outskirts of Alaska, but here in Hawaii it was a warm and clear morning. I always liked to call my brother who worked as a crab trawler as I sipped Mai Tais.

The funny thing was, we were both drunk at this time in the morning. Being on a tropical island and stuck on a crab trawler really leaves you with one religion: alcoholism.

Thanks to meticulous experimentation, we found out how to create a wonderfully smooth liqueur from coconuts which made our ordeal all the more pleasant. The crabs, however, proved

difficult to instruct on how to prepare our coconut drink, but after some training they proved to be adept waiters. The clumsiest waiter of the day got roasted, motivating the othe

r comedians in our crew to ramp up the joking and ribbing of the restaurant staff in an escalating one-ups-manship ultimately concluding in the unfortunate

beheading of an entire table of visiting Uzbeki luminaries. I was horrified by my accidental role in the emergence of the violent Waitron Jihad, and sought consolation in the arms

of Morpheus. But I couldn't sleep 24 hours a day, especially when violent waitrons surrounded my house waving black flags and burning my effigy. How could I undeclare Waitron Jihad

? If I went out there now, the waitrons would tear me to shreds. On the other hand, I couldn't stay trapped in my house like this forever. I peeked outside my window & decided to

put on my muumuu and venture out. I slipped into the loose fitting garment and strode proudly into the outside world. It was time to reclaim my self respect. To hell with them!