I'm getting ready to go back into the hospital

  • I'm getting ready to go back into the hospital for another surgery. So, if for any reason I don't make it out alive, I just want to say that I've left you all something in my will.

  • If I don't pull through my rhinoplasty, I give all my National Geographics to my son; for my neighbor, his nose trimmer back; and to my niece, 'Boy with Apple.'

  • "Are you quite through, sir?" "Yes, I suppose I am." They wheeled me in. When I woke up, it took a minute to get my bearings. Then I said "OK! Lets have a look at my new horn!"

  • A PACU nurse reached out and lightly tapped my bulb. "HONK!" was the response. "Wow, that's pretty impressive." The nurse blushed and said, "Ahem. Well if you're not too tired,

  • I'd like for you to cover for me because I have a hot date tonight. " The PACU nurse handed me a clipboard and a stethescope. I was a clown. A Patient. Now I'm on duty? Jesus.

  • Then I felt like my father must have a century ago, in 1914. There were no clipboards then.

  • But there are clipboards now. That? That gives me hope.

  • Because clipboards mean notetaking, with some backbone to it, and notetaking means organization, and THAT my dear class means... well, what DOES it mean?

  • All around the classroom, hands shot up. "Understanding?" said Suzy. "Mental Illness?" guessed Pat. "UNICEF?" guessed Leopold. The teacher looked at them sternly. "No," he said,

  • "Its the Illuminati. I'm very dissapointed with all of you. Extra homework!!!" and he slammed 32 sheets of paper on everyone's desk. It was a report on the history of the shoelace



  1. Flopp Dec 19 2016 @ 13:40

    The shoelace is quite interesting.

  2. SlimWhitman Dec 19 2016 @ 14:35

    Too bad we lost the hospital clown, that could have been fun.

  3. Dhanithecat Dec 19 2016 @ 17:41

    I will start a story about the hospital clown, in that case!

  4. Chaz Dec 20 2016 @ 10:07

    And that clown, went on to found " Clowns without Borders"

Want to leave a comment?

Sign up!