Soccer is a beautiful game. There is the

Soccer is a beautiful game. There is the thrill of the play as it lasts for 90 minutes. They push onward in search of that vital goal which will bring their team to victory.

Or they fall over and pretend they are injured and they can't use their hands. We Americans have real football which includes dancing sharks and beer ads with horses and dogs.

Baseball, however, is the true American sport. What is great about baseball is that there is no clock. We play baseball until we are done. However, on Mars baseball is different

. The games are interrupted by sandstorms. The air is so thin we use breathers & the gravity is weak so hitting the ball out of the park happens a lot especially when a Barsoomian

is at the mound. (Barsoomian pitchers are known for their Graviton Slice balls: gravitationally seductive and metaphysically impossible. One G.S. from them and it's a miss and a sw

addled messiah. The Umpire rules it a ball and calls for the baby messiah to be cleared off the field. The Barsoomian players can be seen ratcheting up their shielding, in expectat

-ion of a triple play. Herod was up to bat, but the three kings were still clearing the camel poop off of third base. Plus, the baby messiah kept floating around left field and

the lambs ran to center. Judas, of course, was stealing all the bases and selling them on eBay. The Bambino knocked them out of the park; the Apostles took their act to Broadway.

Their performances were wildly panned by the Broadway critics. One critic described it as "The Apostles turned wine into Flint's water." Judas's understudy had to hang himself from