I remember being born, which I guess is pretty

I remember being born, which I guess is pretty rare. Everyone always wants me to tell them about it, but the truth is childbirth is not pretty. Do you want to know? Okay, fine:

The largest hands you will ever see grab your head and yank you to the brightest room in the universe. Then one of the largest hands you will ever see belts you on the butt.

"What's with the hands?" you shout, squinting into the glare. Silence. "I said, what's with the giant hands?" More silence, and then a deep voice rumbles back the answer:

"All the better to grab you with." You start to turn and run as you realise what danger you really are in. As you turn you feel the hands reach out and try to grab you but you run

In a circle. His grip is just too tight. That's ok, you think, I had nothing to do this weekend, anyways. I am such a loser

at yahtzee. I always waste my "chance" roll. What I need is

a set of loaded dice so I can finally beat this guy in my dorm who always calls me 'son' or 'cuz' after he owns me at Yahtzee or dominoes or whatever. This guy really sucks but he

is a chick magnet. It's not due to his personality or looks. I think its pheromones. My plan was to bet on the loaded dice: looser sleeps with the ugliest, winner the hottest chick

perfect figure. She had lost one ear, one arm, one leg, one breast, due to the leprosy but all on her left side. When she stood right side to you she looked pretty good.