Something weird happened to me today. I was

Something weird happened to me today. I was sitting at work when I noticed a doorway appear out of the corner of my eye, but when I turned to look at the doorway, it disappeared.

speaker trying to sell me his latest book. "I thought I told you to get lost," I said to him. "Follow my twenty step program and you will be less hostile and more virile!" he said.

Down deep inside, I really wanted to be less hostile & more virile, but my pride stopped me from buying his 20-step program book. "F*CK OFF!" I cried, my voice cracking, tears

jetting from my eyes. "At least I'm mobile." I hopped into my yellow rub-a-dub tub and floated down stream. I could be less hostile & more virile in less than 20 steps. First:

I must remove the hostility from my body by channeling it into the yellow rub-a-dub tub. I chant in backwards latin and slap the rub-a-dub tub like a tv faith healer. Suddenly,

terry crews climbed through the window and yelled power blowing out the surrounding walls, mouth agape and in awe I shit my pants ... afraid i stand

fully erect, a preemptive bout of leakage seeping through my undergarments. "Please leave my house," I stammered insistingly, grabbing the teakettle and raising it above my head.

A smug expression lingered on his face and he came closer and closer and closer...

Well, friends, I shouldn't have to tell you what happened next. That was the last we ever saw of him. But you know what? He went for it, and we can all learn from that.