I put my girlfriend's kid on the teeter-totter

I put my girlfriend's kid on the teeter-totter and waived. Then I hit the remote control in my pocket which dropped a 10 ton sack on the teeter totter flinging the kid hundreds of

feet into oblivion. An eagle caught 3 year old Meg in its talons and flew to its twiggy nest on a crag. Meg competed with the other chicks for scraps of meat with stuff attached an

d dreamed one day of soaring through the skies, dive bombing rabbits and mating at a 100 miles an hour. Meg was sorely disappointed when the big day came, for no matter how fast

she flew, the hawkmen, weren't interested in mating on the wing with her. Was it her plummage? She confided in her feather stylist, "Peri, I've got to have new look." "Have you con

sidered Euthanasia?" Peri wasn't that witty, but she found her constant deadpan sarcasm, contrasted with the servile nature as a human slave to bird-kind, somewhat humorous.

Peri would say stuff like "Why did my bird-kind master cross the road?" and then answer her own question with "Who cares? I hope he gets run over." The bird-kind were bad drivers

because they kept trying to peck at the bugs on the outside of their windshields as they drove. Finally a bright bird-kind opened up a drive-through that featured dead bugs. This

Having stooped to nit picking did not slow them done an iota: not even an iota that was a footnote in Professor Loomis's quantum deconstructive critique of Dial S for Sabotage.

Alfred Hitchcock's grandson directed a movie by that title and offered me a role in it. I was nominated for an Oscar but that's another story. My mum was shocked. This was in 1017.