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Piotr, Pedro, Peder, Peter...none of these

  • Piotr, Pedro, Peder, Peter...none of these rhymed with psychopath, but that's the first thing Pete thought of when he said his own name. Was it his fault he had a talent for

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  • macrame? He still couldn't figure out whether to describe ti as a handicraft or as an art form. He'd rush home from work and tie knots all evening. By Christmastime, he had enough

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  • items of clothing knotted to open his very own macrame fashion boutique shop. It would be the first of its kind, the cutting edge of fashion in his small town. The idea excited him

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  • and then he remembered, he had no arms. Twin sharks had played tug of war with him while he was swimming off the Egyptian coast. Instead he had two smooth stumps just

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  • about four inches long when fully extended. His shortened members were no match to the man-eaters around him. He grew flaccid and

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  • squelchy cucumbers, which he would mash with his short-fingered hands, and feed them to

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  • his kids. They didn't like them, but the kids had been really bad, so this was their punishment. He went to the

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  • Collier and thanked him for the lumps of coal. That'll light a fire under their studies, he thought. But he was wrong. Instead, family violence was ignited.

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  • And in its turn, this fact alone would eventually inspire the creation of the most acclaimed and beloved family show of all time:

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  • The Cowboy TV Show!

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