The kombucha queen drank her last kombucha

The kombucha queen drank her last kombucha on June 20th. The cases she had bought at Whole Foods were so famous she annoyed the cashiers. "Here she comes!', cashier #1 said.

"...and there she goes," said Whole Foods cashier #2 as they watched the kombucha queen squat like a primate as she scuttled towards the ladies room. "She's clean as a whistle

"Oh, I understand exactly how you feel, dear!" I replied, trying my best to maintain the appearance of normalcy. "Cat got your tongue?" Tiffany remained speechless.

Tiffany collapsed in convulsions, blood flowing from her mouth. "OMG!" I cried, "This isn't funny! Call an ambulance!" Clown paramedics barged in but saw the situation was serious.

One of the clown paramedics hugged her and immediately she felt funny. Tiffany mumbled something unintelligible. The clowns put her on a stretcher and raced to a nearby hospital

that doubled as a five ring circus. Tiffany was wheeled into the OR where Leo the strongman/anasthetist knocked her unconscious. Xavier the knife thrower performed remote surgery.

Although they were circus performers, they had vast knowledge in the medical field. even knowing this, I was terrified.

Out of the clown's bag came an over sized 2-man saw. The clowns began to work on my leg. There was an immense pain. Then, everything went black.