Today, the day I thought would be the best

Today, the day I thought would be the best day of my life, would turn out to be humanity's worst day in history.

Like all important days in human history, this one too had a rather casual beginning. A shower, cup of coffe, a walk outside to get the morning paper... "Holy smokes! What is that

?" I stood in my bathrobe on the front porch. A small breeze was pulling me upward. There was a football field-sized hole in the sky, black against the blue. I dropped my mug.

Luckily the black hole picked it up for me. Its selective, benevolent gravity was a real plus for our town. Rabid strays: No more. Trash collection: Easy. But where did it all go?

That was the day I set out to find just where exactly things that entered a black hole went to.

As I crawled into the hole, I wasn't afraid, I was anxious to find the socks that keep disappearing. I wandered around and found some old Skittles candy, some thumbtacks and OMG

but the guilt was rushing through my brain! So I decided to clone the cute 'lil birdy in my lab and eat moldy cherries my grandpa picked for me weeks ago. It gave me the doo-doos.

So I had to ask myself, "What would a dodo do if a dude had the doo-doos?" And of course, the answer was obvious:

find a couch potato and polish it. Dodo's are suckers for chromey stuff. Distract the dodo. Then, throw the net over it and take it to Monte Carlo, cuz a dodo in M Carlo is cool.