"Father, I have smashed pumpkins that were

"Father, I have smashed pumpkins that were not mine to smash."

I could hear him shift inside his compartment, the heavy breathing betraying his 3 pack a day smoking habit. "Do you repent, my son?" Father Drubbin wheezed. Did I? I wasn't sure.

I told him as much and he sat back in alarm, like I was a plague victim who'd coughed in his direction. "M-my son..." Father Drubbin gasped. "Surely you wish to be free of sin?"

“On the contrary Padre, the magnitude of the Lord’s sacrifice to save me requires me to try to sin in equal share, otherwise the Lord’s sacrifice was for naught”, I told Father Dru

And then I said the famous words, albeit with a little twist, "Forgive me Father, for I must now sin." He looked rather worried. But what to do, what to do? So many

sins to choose from, and so little time. He glanced down at a demon who held open a Whitman's Sampler-style candy box of atrocities, with no guide on the inside lid. "What's this

one?" he asked, pointing at a circle. "Oh, why, that looks to be a..." the demon server consulted the box diagram again. " - a lemon fluff, your liege." That was clearly not going

to blood I have in zis country eez m'amigo and fellow waiter, Manuel." "Fine, I'll have that." said Satan. The waiter told the cook to prepare a huge pot of boiling water. But how

Would he like his "lobster" cooked? "Very rare, and very plentiful." Satan gurgled as he chuckled. In came the line of human lobsters, about to take their "swimming lesson."