Once upon a time in Tuscaloosa, Alabama...

Once upon a time in Tuscaloosa, Alabama...

there was a fight at waffle house

it involved ricky bobby and juan pierre

praying to the little tiny baby Jesus about invisible fires

Turns out the fireman had cataracts. He'd been pulled from retirement because due to city budget cuts, no other firemen were available. He got his garden hose and axe from the taxi

and ran strait away from the fire, towards the "fire lounge" sign. Reaching the sign, he realized his error. "Argh, these cataracts!" He also realized he forgot his hat and

sunblock. He walked back to his house. Stepped on the wet newspaper in front of his door. Put a Red Baron pizza in the oven and turned on Workaholics. Eventually the sun went down

around midnight. Summer in Alaska was every Into the Wild fans' dream. It wasn't going exactly the way he thought it would and why did he have a place with a kitchen? He cheate

d every day, hiking to the nearby town for provisions and poon, until one day, he just stayed there. Daily, he stared from behind the Starbucks counter at the nearby wood. Regret.