Joe was hooked on Twitter from day one. It

Joe was hooked on Twitter from day one. It wasn't until he started thinking all of his thoughts in under 140 characters that he began to see it as a problem.

He knew where to get some support but on his way in he noticed a couple of disheveled looking men with red-stained lips laying in a pile of cellophane. Twizzlers Anonymous?!?! He

lifted the gun and put it in his mouth. He pulled the trigger and instead of a band, a dark column of pot smoke entered his lungs, he needed the chronic

lung disease that came from all that smoking.

The coughing grated on my throat like fingernails on a chalkboard. The only things that relieved the pain were Oxycontin and more cigarettes, a combination that proved fatal when I

An explosive fireball hurtled down towards us. We fell to narrowly escape the tremendous blast, but our bungee cords would only last so far. My stomach lurched as the bungee

cord suddenly transformed into a gigantic, slimy tentacle. Panicking, I tried to remove it, only to have it wrap tightly around my body, burning through my clothes and sinking into

numbing comfort of a cozy snuggie. The neurotoxins on the giant tentacle suckers caused a wonderful numbness which lessened my fear of the terrible kraken maw approaching.

My professional pride was assuaged as I realized,giant squids don't have cnidocytes-I was in the deathly embrace of a giant hydra.I'd identified a new species.Darwin would be proud