One day a girl wondered out into the woods.

One day a girl wondered out into the woods. She heard screaming and was not sure what to think of it. She was not sure what was going on. She ran to where it came from and found...

...a taped recording of a person screaming. It was awfully anticlimactic. She kicked a tree angrily, feeling quite cheated.

"Hey lady, watch it!" She jumped at the unexpected booming voice coming from the tree. Nonsense, she thought. Trees don't talk...right? To test it she tossed a pebble at

the leaves and heard a loud groan before watching a person fall down with a thud. "What was that stone for?" the owner of the booming voice asked, hand moving to rub a bruise.

"Anything you say is futile. You have to be stoned because you committed the biggest sin -wearing sandals with socks." The angry mob gathered around him, and he had no other choice

. "Dude what's your problem?" The angry mob grabbed him and brought him to Hang-man's Crag. "Stone Him!" shouted the patriarch. They handed a spliff and some Doritos.

He realized that he had committed his offenses on 'Literal Day'. Smoking his spliff and eating the Doritos, he remembered he had sent a dangerous text to someone: 'Break a leg'.

On Literal Day, telling someone to "break a leg" could get you put in the "slammer" for grievous bodily harm. He'd have to find whoever he'd sent that text to and stop them, fast!

Worse still he'd suggested she should do some arm twisting and back stabbing to get the job done. At his trial the judge gave him 20 years solitary. Luckily it was Reverso day.