To his great surprise, Alan found himself

To his great surprise, Alan found himself fading away. After a few beers he had often wondered what lay beyond the grave, now he was going to find out. He closed his eyes and

lifted the coffin lid. He opened his eyes, empty. Alan wondered where the body of his wife was. Then he felt an arm around his waist and something wet on his ear, the corpse

had been quarantined due to suspicion of a virulent strain of mumps whispered his Aunt Maggie. *Why hadn't Alan heard about this* he wondered as he rubbed an annoying sore on his

left testicle. Hmm... what's this? My left nut's twice as big as my right nut! Hell, its bright green and what's all this yellow fur? Alan decided to visit Dr. Bruce Banner.

because he was famous as, Dr. Bruce Banner, Big Bright Blue Ball Testicle Tester and restorer. The Dr. said "Sorry I only treat Blue Balls and whats with the Yellow fur? Is this a

me as if I cared...All I wanted was to know the day my freaking neighbor would die so I could throw a huge party to celebrate so how were two handcuffs going to help me with...well

well, if it isn't my freaking neighbor's yippy toy poodle in my backyard relieving itself on my organic kale again! I got the handcuffs, a pair of grass shears and a wheelbarrow

and gifted them to my neighbors for fertilizing my garden for free. Handcuffs, shears & a wheelbarrow seemed generous, but poodle urine helps kale & the outdoors are unsanitary.

Thus I was able to live on my garden of phallic shaped, but delicious organic vegetables for the rest of my days without setting one foot out into the dirty, dirty world.