Cheney handed out thin strips of paper. "What

Cheney handed out thin strips of paper. "What the hell's this?" asked Rumsfeld. "It's a political litmus test,when you lick it it changes color. Red means your a commy. Green and

you're a true capitalist. Cheney turned his back to get the poltical litmus test paper color guide. Rumsfeld quickly cut a strip of green construction paper and held it up. "See!"

I figured this was probably a counterfeiting ring, so I kicked down the door swinging uppercuts all over the place. Cheney had a quintuple bypass. Rumsfeld tried to

give me a Chinese burn but Rumsfield is a midget who wears four-inch heals to disguise his embarrassing little problem so I knutted him. The mob

-y dick novel that Rumsfeld kept down his pants protected his private parts. Instead I got a really sore knuckle. Then Rumsfeld squirted ink in my face like a giant squid and

made the noise of a great slurp that I imagine would only be formed by the waffling beak of The Great Kraken itself! Rumsfeld Kraken didn't realise how untopical he'd become. He

did have that waffling beak, however, which was a plus. Everyone loves waffles, even if they belong to The Great Kraken. The Great Bakin Kraken, maker of the best waffles in Norway

& all the rest of Scandinavia, for that matter. I might be waffling a bit on the subject, but I also like Nessie's. She can whip up a waffle comparable to the Kraken's creations.

But of course, "release the Kraken" is way more alarming than "release the Nessie". It totally depends on the impact you want to have on the audience.

"Are you ready to RUMBLE? NOW at the Staples/Citibank/Target Aquadome, the battle of the CENTURY! The KRAKEN-NESSIE MONSTER RALLY! This Thursday! Children half-price. BE THERE!