"If God is that reality to which nothing

"If God is that reality to which nothing is greater, than what am I?" wondered the snail.

Suddenly a nearby burning bush spoke, "You are the Chosen One, little snail. You shall lead my escargot from captivity in France. Now GO!" The snail quaked, then said "Um, OK."

Three years later, the burning bush was awakened once more. Just below it, there was the little snail. The bush raised its branches in surprise and spoke, "You still here?"

"Yeah," the snail responded. "Not much ambition?" asked the burning bush, a hint of disrespect in his voice. "Nope. Just, ya know, chillin'." A violent rage overcame the bush, and

the bush burned with anger. The snail pretended to be shell shocked. The bush said, "How dare you root your violence in satire." The snail looked at the bush's tasty leaves

. "And, lo you shall have no other Gods befo- Hey cut that out!" The snail ignored the burning bush's commands and continued munching on the leaves.

, in a hot (but slow) streak of presumtion, decided to change God's plan. When Moses looked in the withered burning bush the all knowing snail told him escargot was now unkosher.

Thinking back to his days as a boy where he had unrelentingly stepped on the poor mollusks just to hear the crunch, actions he now regretted, he decided to repent and obey him.

"You know what? Fine. I'll do it." He paused, holding his gaze steady with the other man's. "This time. We'll see how it goes from there."