Carrot Top's face finally fell off. I was

Carrot Top's face finally fell off. I was there to see it. You're probably wondering why I am even admitting that I attended one of shows. That's fair, but you must understand:

I grew up in Eastern Europe, ignorant of his existence.At first, I thought Carrot Top was just a cartoon. He.. It..couldn't be real.So I had to go see it for myself. Oh! the horror

and what made it even worse was that I brought my watermelon with me. I hid it under my coat, as if I were pregnant. And as I waited for the right time to pull it out

he surprised me with a gigantic hug, which I reciprocated. At the exact moment I threw my arms around him, the watermelon slipped from beneath my coat and

revealed itself. I had grown it from seeds I ordered last year from the Burpee seed catalog. But by the suspicious looks I got, others thought the watermelon was actually a

pod containing the body of an alien, bent on destroying humanity. Watermelons took on the shape of whatever they grew in, and the sarcophagus made it look grotesquely humanoid.

And very pink and wet when you cut it open. Really. Who would want a watermelon like tha?t - so huge, it won't fit in your fridge. Ordinary ones are big enough. Stupid Aliens!

come on, what kind of morons are capable of interstellar travel, but don't think to pack galoshes and umbrellas? Yet another failure, nearly as dumb as trying to colonize the sun.

They certainly could have given more thought during the planning stages. Planned for poor weather, floods, high winds. Any trip to earth in the very least warrants an umbrella.