What's that? You dropped out? Your familiar

What's that? You dropped out? Your familiar was a loco barn owl with razor sharp talons who'd strafe your unprotected scalp. Yikes. How many stiches is that? 13? I don't blame you.

No, I don't blame you. I disclaim you. That's right. I disclaim you. You are no longer affiliated with me or my kin on any interactive level. You shall now fend for yourself.

...yourself...yourself...yourself... Putz the Cat never forgot those cruel, cruel words of his former owner. But whose purring now?! Putz hacked up a hairball on his satin pillow.

"What a pointless animal a cat is" he thought "They do nothing but bring in dead mice and purr annoyingly. Pointless. Unless you get a real cat. Like a lion." This gave him an idea

if he could get a lion and kill all of his enemies, lions are much better than stupid cats and thought. yes I will get a lion and I will show them all that if you mess with me you

will get your shit wrecked by a master lion-tamer. Unfortunately the lion he picked was one of the inexplicably intelligent ones and he awoke one morning to find the creature

making coffee and pancakes in the RV kitchen. "Leo, what the heck are ya doin' makin' me breakfast?!" The lion tamer shouted. The lion's reaction was even more uncanny than thelast

"If you keep making faces like that, your face is going to get stuck you know", the Tamer retorted. He glanced at his watch, dreading going to work. Honestly, he'd never really

found irony to be a strong suit. Hypocrisy, on the other hand... The Tamer's face was stuck like that, you know.