A burger contains a little piece of dozens

A burger contains a little piece of dozens of cows. It's like when olde-timey hostage-takers would send you a finger in the mail to assert their dominance, except I'm hungry and

conflicted. I'd prefer exclusivity in my burger--just the one cow, not a multicow mishmash. I raised the burger to my ear & imagined I could hear the gentle mooing of a great herd

"Yup, that little shit is still mooing. I ain't never seen one quite that rare before" the slightly pudgy grease covered man before he eagerly removed the burger from my sight.

The pudgy grease-covered man was a Fast Food Magician. His whole act was magic involving fast food items. He once pulled an endless supply of Filet-o-fishe's from his sleeve at a

Whitehouse Press Conference (during the Clinton era, of course). All the politicians were suitably impressed, but the President was not. "It's not a Big Mac," he said sadly.

"It's a Cain Whopper with a pickle stopper". The atmosphere soured palpably among the politicos. The phrase was Clintonspeak and meant

that one of her old opponents had entered the stadium, and had been caught by her security. The crowd roared in laughter as Clinton's security dragged

Her into the arena, screaming bloody murder. The rant went on forever, until someone threw a Molotov cocktail at Clinton. "Shut up, I have heard enough!", someone shouted. Then,

to America's surprise, the Molotov flames turned Clinton into a squid-headed winged monster. And all of humanity became her feast, for she was the Eldest of the Elder Ones.