Sure, there wasn't much to see on Mars in

Sure, there wasn't much to see on Mars in the human-visible wavelengths. But the Martians didn't appreciate being blinded by the latest probe from Earth. Still, they had magnetic

tripwire traps around their carrot gardens as a precaution. A young Martian girl chanted from a teepee, "Red rover, please come over," and offered a vitamin A caplet. But the probe

, red-rover II, had already burrowed underneath the carrot garden and had collected most of the genetically modified beta-crop set for market launch. No amount of vitamin A would

ever compare to straight up caffeine to get you through this American life. So red-rover II started chugging coffees and 5 hour energy drinks until

six p.m. on a daily basis. After that red-rover II did straight shots of whisky 'til midnight to calm down from the caffeine jitters. His doctor prescribed sleeping pills and

the man took the goddamn pills as he was told to, 6PM every night . But there was something wrong with them. The dreams they caused; such dreams. He no longer knew when he was awak

e or asleep. Unbeknownst to him,what the pills really made him do was sleepwalk.His nocturne adventures included a tyrst with Mrs. Jones next door, a kazoo parade down Main Street,

and winning a chainsaw juggling contest last spring. Fernando hated to take his "sleepy meds" but he felt quite accomplished on what he could do while sleepwalking. Last night was

for anything. His moment of preparedness exceeded that even of the pope. Fernando was going to be ready for the very next thing that would come to him! Except that was all.