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Gwen pulled into the parking lot of Aunt

  • Gwen pulled into the parking lot of Aunt Valetta’s Sentient Sofa Bar and Grill™. She'd been starving all day, but hadn't found a thing to eat at the Turgid Stoat Sanctuary.

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  • Gwen was greeted by Squawkers,the mascot maitre d', who recited the mouthwatering specials for the day. "We've got waffles, Spam Baby sammiches, seagrass salad, and for dessert we

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  • have crackers." Squawker's always added the crackers part. Damn parakeet, who thought that would be a good mascot maitre d' for a Waffle House? Squawkers took his job very seriousl

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  • y even though Squawkers sometimes nibbled on the patrons' waffles, got feathers in the syrup, and gave the Waffle House a weird pirate-like environment. Still, people loved

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  • him, and the Employee of the Month wall displayed his portrait for 7 months now. The line cooks hated looking at it. They were sick of his limelight. They had never poisoned a parr

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  • -boiled ham before, but well there was a first for everything. The line cooks made a giant mirror to reflect his limelight back onto themselves. They basked in it, people noticed t

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  • but t considered them all fools worthy only of pity. He insisted theY call him Mister. Secretly though, in the dark alleys they called him Tibbs after that bloke in Miami Vice.

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  • Alleys were there to go dumpster diving and find free yogurt, cream cheese, bread and bagels of all favours. That was how we survived-foraging. It was a valuable skill. Tibbs

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  • was a master of the art of dumpster foraging, and aside from gastritis and the resultant colostomy bag, had survived quite well. Tibbs had earned millions in trading, but still

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  • hated Wall Street so much he rather find something in the Arby's dumpster than have duck tartar with those greedy, suited f**ks. He was now free from capitalism's puppet strings.

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