Once upon the time there were twelve little

Once upon the time there were twelve little unicorns and none of them had any idea of how to go about operating their new dvd player. Twiddlemuff, the unicorn with thumbs, took the

arcane saber from the hidden compartment in his steely belly compartment and depressed the activator switch. FWWOANNGH! It crackled to life, and he chopped the DVD player in half.

But the DVD player regenerated and now there were two evil DVD players. That's how Blu-Ray works. It's like the Hydra. So Tim thought maybe if he got Madussa's head

he may be able to stop the dreaded beast by turning it into stone. Tim didn't know what the hell a Madussa was though. It sounded Jewish. So he headed down to see his local

ternut squash...Dale Earnhardt... My Adderall was wearing off. As I fumbled through the medicine cabinet, a pack of Jesus Band-Aids caught my eye. Could they cure my ADD? I put one

on and was suddenly struck by an epiphany! It was a large epiphany, heavy and blunt, certainly enough to cave an ordinary human's skull in. Fortunately for me, I had just become

NEANDERTHALMAN! My skull was impervious to epiphanies blunt or otherwise. I tossed my wooly red mane & bared my wooly red chest, grasped the blonde wench & dragged her

back to my cave to make wooly red love to her. The result was another wooly red child to carry on in my place. We Neanderthals are not really gone! We live on in

crappy advertising agencies doing unfunny and awkward one-liners. But hey, why bother to try if others are more successful than you on a solely arbitrary basis?