He saw green blood. Most people would run,

He saw green blood. Most people would run, but he was Austrian! He wanted to calm the muscular sweating Indian so he said, "If it bleeds, we can kill it." But the blood

was acidic and with each stab, he lost vital patches of skin, flesh and bone. Strangely, when the skin went, the blood also started leaking out, which turned out disappointingly.

This was typical - everything in his life up to now had been a disappointment. Well, except for that one weekend in Muncie, IN, when he found out that Ball State University was

a premiere, mid-sized university known for its witty, devil-may-care alums at the helm of all power levers of society. While other things in life would disappoint, Ball State was

ranked number one in canning fruits and vegetables. Heck, they had INVENTED the safety button. George Mason University sometimes put up a challenge, but

quite frankly weren't up to it. Sure, they could chop and dice but canning was a job too far. So they brought out their number one talent

Kevin the canner! Kevin who for years had been the joke of the village with his wooden knee and his cardboard eye. But nobody could can like Kevin could can. So

they didn't drive him out of the village with torches and pitchforks like they should have. Instead they paid him to can everything from a

salmon to egg salad. The pressure cooker whistling in the background, assuring that the cans would be air tight. All was going as planned expect for the little problem with the

Fruit. Shelly grabbed the bowl and handed it to Lance who in his state ate 4 of them before handing back the balance. "Did you know these were plastic?" Ass is gonna hurt tomorrow