Day One: It’s difficult to sleep with that

Day One: It’s difficult to sleep with that overhead light on…200 watts of brilliant washed-out light blazing all night, and my eyelids unable to stop the light from seeping in.

to his bedroom window and smashed it open with my axe. The glass cascaded down, fragments shimmering in the light from the streetlamp. I grabbed the window sill and hauled myself

through and I disappeared into the night. I ditched the axe in the woods and went home. The next morning there was a story on the news about an axe being found near a decapitated

maid who found fame portraying a maid in an indie hit about the axe killing of a maid. I sanded off my prints, forgetting I was already in the database. The jury was unsympathetic.

"GUILTY as charged!" the jury declared not quite 20 minutes later. Back in the slammer I went for another at least 10 years. "Oh hey, Bob!" I waved at the night shift prison guard.

I was incredibly depleted at the thought of another 10 years behind bars and began to cry at the thought of everything I would miss out in the world.

Would I ever get to see my beloved kitty, Sniffles, again? I wondered if cats were given visitation rights.

Turns out, they are. So I went to visit my cat Sniffles in the slammer. I brought him some treats, which were confiscated by the guards. Sniffles looked hardened by his ordeal and

took up pumping iron to pass the time. Years passed and Sniffles began to lose hope of ever leaving the slammer, until he pulled some favors for a gay inmate who helped him escape.