"...and that's how you do the Hamster Dance!"

"...and that's how you do the Hamster Dance!" I proclaimed, an awkward smile on my face as I faced the angry crowd. I was never allowed to DJ for my friend's parties again.

Someone had recorded the debacle and it went viral, in a bad way. People on the street pointed and laughed. My family pretended no to know me. The Hamster Dance was all I was known

strap on a spiked phallic symbol over my hamster suit & do a little dance I like to call the hamster leg stanky wop twerk. Just as I was about to superman that hoe for my meme vid,

a guy in a flying squirrel suit zoomed past me. The breeze ruffled my hamster suit tails. Meanwhile I lost my balance and tripped. My twerk-trip-tumble maneuver went viral.

And so did my genital warts. But I digress. I watched as the guy in the flying squirrel suit darted into the busy intersection. The look of terror on the truck driver's face as

I scratched at, well, you know (Don't tell anyone, OK?) and watched the squirrel-suited man dodge through the traffic to the other side. He picked up an acorn in his teeth &

twitched his nail nervously before darting out in front of a semi hauling refrigerators. Squirrel-suited man everywhere - in my hair, down my shirt, under my toes - but my itching

For carrot-mango juice was overwhelming. In the middle of nowhere there was no whole foods. So I stumbled upon a juice bar, run by two mutts, Coco and Phil. They had it! This,

the carbonated essence of corn seemed to me the elixir of life in that moment. I mourned for the cricket in the bottle, but I did not eat it. Coco and Phil led me to the tent.