• 3
  • cola quietly entered the market in the autumn of 2013, but by summer it had conquered the global market for sugary drinks -- perhaps because instead of HFCS, Hola Cola actually con

  • tinued to be sold cheaply. Hola Cola installed itself in every crappy convenience store from here to Jakarta. Oh, they said what the hell it was: Bubbly Syrup Water. But somehow

  • The sheeple drank it en masse and left empty bottles on the Red and Purple Lines. The cleanup crews got so fed up they started a publicity campaign to stop it. Hola Cola was ideal

  • ly named to sell energy drinks on the Tijuana-San Diego lines. Unfortunately though they were based in Desolation Sound. Then VP Duncan McFurty said "Lets rebrand to Moose Cola!"

  • Sales of Moose Cola exploded such that they had to build a second bottling plant in Yuma. Then Moose Cola was deemed the Drink of the Right and sales petered out. Their Desolation

  • was palpable as they watched the landfills pile high with unopened Moose Cola cans. It was referred to as "The Uncoola", but the hobos that roamed the dumps soon developed a taste

  • for the stuff, mixing it with the bum wine they already drank. One day while not too deep in an alcohol stupor, a hobo named Mel had an idea. He gathered all the cans of Moose Cola

  • and launched them into space, watching through his Very Large Telescope(TM) and giggling with glee as the cans exploded one by one in the vacuum. The cola boiled away into a fine

  • sierra mist. At which point, the cola gods were satiated. Earth had once again been spared their wrath thanks to the ingenious plan hatched by whoever the main character is above.



  1. SlimWhitman Jun 09 2020 @ 16:54

    Mel, the spaced out hobo, our saviour!

  2. Woab Jun 10 2020 @ 14:05

    Ecce hobo!

  3. Woab Jun 10 2020 @ 14:06

    Brilliant ending, Shortfellow!

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