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If I told you once, I told you a thousand

  • If I told you once, I told you a thousand times...don't pick your nose! Cramer bent his head in shame, knowing she'd have to tell him a thousand and one times. An anger boiled up

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  • from inside Cramer's nose and used it's ancient dark magic to seal his mom's nostrils shut. "My God! What's happening?!" she screamed. "Don't pick *your* nose." said the gremlin.

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  • The gremlin was wise, he was the second cousin of Yoda, who was also of gremlin descent. They'd had trained together in the ways of

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  • corporate tax avoidance in Trinidad (& Tobago). Yoda was now dead, but his gremlin cousin often seanced with him when a particularly tricky accounting scheme was required. In time,

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  • all on the secret Jedi Enclave on Earth was eliminated. Some were hunted down by imperial inquisitors, but most fell prey to famine, substance abuse, or disease. Yoda's death was

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  • different. He was wandering the swamps on Dagobah in search of food one night, when a dragon-snake suddenly surfaced and swallowed poor Yoda in a violent flurry of green and gray.

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  • Ewoks watched the scene and called Dr. Ewok. Dr. Ewok came in a few minutes, took out his stethoscope and checked Yoda's pulse after he was rescued. The fans of Yoda wept.

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  • It was a sad day indeed. Later that day, Yoda was found dead in his living quarters. Well, not found. Luke Skywalker (eye witness) said, "He sorta just...poofed, ya know?".

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  • The intergalactic police weren't surprised- great Jedi had a nasty tendency to drop dead when they were needed. All the same, that 'Luke Skywalker' seemed pretty suspicious. Why

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  • did he have that Wookie stench? There was too much evidence. We took him and put him in a cold dark place. He was there until

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