Hell is taking up more and more of Heaven's

  • Hell is taking up more and more of Heaven's operating budget which is why there are so few miracles anymore. With all the laws of nature that a miracle takes, the fines quickly add

  • up to the point where even the smallest miracle imaginable becomes impossible to create. As more and more people get taken to hell heaven starts to go into disrepair, becoming a

  • strip mall of its former self. Where once were heavenly hosts and Seraphim, now were Nail Salons and Insurance Agencies. God resorted to rent-a-cops for the Pearly Gates.

  • Manna was now corn dogs.The apostles, their white robes gray & dingy, were sittin' around playin' poker & smokin' cigars.Satan was pissed. "Now wait one cotton-pickin' minute, God.

  • I was supposed to have all the poker players and cigar smokers to myself" Satan said. "If it was one thing I was supposed to have, it is all the shady people. Now what do I have!

  • Nothing but ell-meaning church-goers who think that their myriad of sins had been forgiven!" The devil kicked at the dust with his cloven hooves. "And they keep singing those awful

  • hymns about The Dawnstar and the Fallen Angels, about redemption and lost sheep (and goats) returning to The Originator, as dogs and wolves bay at the moon and lobsters rise from

  • their watery homes. The Sun and the Moon will continue their journeys across the skies repeatedly before the words of these hymns die out. They will be around when humanity has

  • stopped shaving its legs and underarms and flatulence is outlawed as being politically incorrect. When that time comes I hope I’m dead--I really enjoy shaving my legs and farting.

  • Just as I thought this, a policeman barged into my house and demanded search and seizure. Trump's new law allowed him to enter. And he took all my razors. So much for shaving now.



  1. LordVacuity May 19 2019 @ 23:12

    Hirsute Rights! Hirsute first.

  2. Firebolt391d May 19 2019 @ 23:50

    I love how coherent the first six folds are. Nicely done here.

  3. Woab May 20 2019 @ 15:10

    Love the opening line, LV.

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