Jim Similar wandered the Wild West dispensing

  • Jim Similar wandered the Wild West dispensing English lessons, while pretending to be really important. His teaching assistant was his sidekick Vilhelm

  • Weinerslav, a slavic lava lamp-loving guava-juicing java drinker. Jim would introduce Mr. Weinerslav to teach cow wranglers and spittoon spitters about consonance, assonance, and

  • resonance, or the CAR method of assessing the health of a Siberian musk rat. Weinerslav would then entertain his new friends with stories of Bartholomew, the consonant cow who

  • reliably gave milk at six am precisely. As Weinerslav continued highlighting time management for animals his ring of cocktail friends drifted away to hide under the buffet table.

  • He became sullen. His wife was the social butterfly who thrived at these soirées. Weinerslav got the hooch out of the liquor cabinet uncorked and drank it slung over his elbow.

  • The hooch tasted as it always did - bitter and tingling. It woke him up and before he could notice it he was rushing up the stairs towards her room.

  • Just as he suspected, the bathtub full of gin was leaking through the floor onto where he slept. His head popped in, ignoring her nudity to say, "Sharona, we have to get patching!"

  • My Sharona played at patching, but I ended up doing most of the work. Then I showered to wash off the gin smell and the layer of dust and debris. I hoped no one would notice that

  • I still had a mullet, wore Giorgio cologne, & had shoulder pads on. I couldn't seem to move past my past. My Sharona wouldn't let me. She had a knack for remodeling, but I

  • think it was just a game in my mi-i-i-i-ind woo. Then she ran off with Mickey. But I found true love with Roxanne. Oddly, she makes me pay for sex. I don't know what that's about.



  1. SlimWhitman Aug 09 2014 @ 12:06

    Niiiicce finish. I want to here more about Sharona and Wienerslav.

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