"Oh of course it's 'C', the obviously wrong
- "Oh of course it's 'C', the obviously wrong choice," I thought as I filled in the oval. I'd installed a sarcasm detector on my school's Scantron the day before. My high test scores
- were totally fraudulent. I'd been taking experimental brain enhancing drugs that had given me the consciousness of Stephen Hawking in my
- Plastic lined bubble where I did research on
- suffocation. Turns out being wrapped in bubble wrap during air shipping prevented bruising. My corpse arrived in Graceland in good shape and the undertaker
- absentmindedly chucked my body in the casket w.o. remomoving the bubble wrap. When the casket was opened for viewing, mourners amused themselves by popping the bubbles. It tickled.
- Mourners sprinkled packing peanuts over my corpse, wanting to wish me safe delivery to the afterlife. Mother asked Death for express shipping and Death obliged for 10 dollars more.
- Funeral Express picked up my coffin, took it to the airport, flew it to the FE hub in Wichita KS, sorted & loaded it on a plane to the afterlife. My soul was shipped separately in
- a black onyx vase, which was a bit claustrophobic, but no one gave me a preference. I arrived in Afterlife, Minnesota less than 24 hours later &was reunited with my body (embalmed)
- which I stored in my closet for future trips back into the world of the living. For now, I preferred to just float about Afterlife, Minn. making strange sounds to scare the people
- and their buffalo. My wanton attacks went unexorcised. Thus, I single-handedly turned Afterlife, Minn. into the most haunted locale on the planet. It sure beats living.
- Started
- 2012-10-27 14:13:49
- Finished
- 2017-08-22 13:39:47
2 Comments
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juliyah Aug 22 2017 @ 13:59
I hope you all don't mind me using this as the format for my own funeral, packing peanuts and all!
Woab Aug 22 2017 @ 14:04
You are clearly ahead of your time, juliyah.