"Oh of course it's 'C', the obviously wrong

"Oh of course it's 'C', the obviously wrong choice," I thought as I filled in the oval. I'd installed a sarcasm detector on my school's Scantron the day before. My high test scores

were totally fraudulent. I'd been taking experimental brain enhancing drugs that had given me the consciousness of Stephen Hawking in my

Plastic lined bubble where I did research on

suffocation. Turns out being wrapped in bubble wrap during air shipping prevented bruising. My corpse arrived in Graceland in good shape and the undertaker

absentmindedly chucked my body in the casket w.o. remomoving the bubble wrap. When the casket was opened for viewing, mourners amused themselves by popping the bubbles. It tickled.

Mourners sprinkled packing peanuts over my corpse, wanting to wish me safe delivery to the afterlife. Mother asked Death for express shipping and Death obliged for 10 dollars more.

Funeral Express picked up my coffin, took it to the airport, flew it to the FE hub in Wichita KS, sorted & loaded it on a plane to the afterlife. My soul was shipped separately in

a black onyx vase, which was a bit claustrophobic, but no one gave me a preference. I arrived in Afterlife, Minnesota less than 24 hours later &was reunited with my body (embalmed)

which I stored in my closet for future trips back into the world of the living. For now, I preferred to just float about Afterlife, Minn. making strange sounds to scare the people

and their buffalo. My wanton attacks went unexorcised. Thus, I single-handedly turned Afterlife, Minn. into the most haunted locale on the planet. It sure beats living.