I opened the refrigerator, from top to the

I opened the refrigerator, from top to the bottom it was filled with capers, maraschino cherries, pimentos, and variety of other pickled whimsies. But where was the food?

the little F'er slapped my hand and said 'watch yourself fool'. The slap from an ant is small but I still recoiled in shock. He continued on with the leftovers and I narrowed my ey

e brows with a man-groomer. Basically I had a Hitler Mustache but over each eye. But the ant (bug) did not seem to notice, it just carried off my chocolate cake which

reminded me how strong even non-GMO ants can be. Ah bless, let the little one have his cake, for woes are many and cakes are few on the winding trails we call our life, and if

there only would be crab cakes in this diner, my day would have been wonderful.

But this diner served crab cakes only for lunch and supper: for breakfast, pancakes. Yet the maple syrup dispensers were left atop each table, their use encouraged, a ghastly sight

during a seafood dinner indeed. Whoever heard of maple syrup on crab cakes? But the diner proudly sold T-shirts in their gift shop with their famous crab cakes and the slogan:

"I went to Vegas and all I got were these lousy crabs." Needless to say,

no one eats inland crabs in Nantucket! I had Tammy the Taxidermist stuff the crabs and mount them to my headboard: a reminder that what happens in Vegas should stay in Vegas!