I never really thought I'd die, it just sort

I never really thought I'd die, it just sort of happened.

I also never thought anyone could write a story from beyond the grave but one day I asked god for a quill and parchment. He said "what do you think this is the 12th century?" God

always seems to have a sense of humor. He did provide me with some writing materials, but they were very technological. These materials consisted of

pyrotechnic mining lasers, unbound mercury essence, and #2 Ticonderoga graphite pencils. It cost him a fair sum to pick up, but they should be useful for

Their good fortune would not last however, as a deadly predator stalked the wastelands of mars. It started slowly with a few farmers going missing, but once the creature tasted blo

cks of Farmer Squeegy's finest Mars-made Soft Gouda cheese, it wasn't long before the terrible beast began to wipe the poor locals of all of their top-quality milk products. It

didn't seem to matter that the beast was lactose intolerant. Bloated & gassy, the cheese-chomping beast skurtled through the martian streets, while Farmer Squeegy called for backup

...er, I mean Farmer Squeegy called for "Back dat Azz up!" So like, clockwork, every Tuesday at the dairy farm, the DJ put that Juvenile track on. Farmer Bob patiently

waited for each of his cows to back into his milking stall. "Shake dat Udderly bodacious beef Bessy! Milk it baby. Fill that pale. Squirt squirt. Work it! You done. Next one."