My phone rang, I answered and I heard: Hi

My phone rang, I answered and I heard: Hi my name is Bob and I like pie

but I like you better. Want to go out on a date sometime? I bought some Old Spice just for you..."

"Paul, I do not want to go on a date with you mate." "Please, Jane, don't leave me standing here. I have walked for literally ages down a long and winding road to get here."

"Different song, same words," said Jane. "You can't smooth us over with pop-country stylings this time." Paul's open arms fell to his sides. The doors he'd opened for Jane

and did she care? Did she hell as like! If he had his time again... it was no use thinking like this, there was nothing for it ... Paul knew what he must do to rid himself of this

unrequited love of his. He'd build a rocket ship and shoot himself into space, where there is no love. Paul got right to work and by the time he was 87 the craft was ready.

The day his rocket finally launched, creatures made of light decided to contact humanity. As light engulfed him, Paul recalled the love he long gave up, and his 90 year old body

disintegrated around him, leaving nothing but his pure essence. Paul would no longer be apart from his love, spending an eternity with them and countless others in the light.

So Paul stayed. They couldn’t get rid of him. Knowing Paul’s fragile mental state, they put a loaded revolver on the coffee table. Paul shot THEM with it and continued watching TV.