Judge Reinhold looked down his nose at the

Judge Reinhold looked down his nose at the worthless sacks of excrement displayed before him in his courtroom. "In all my years of judging, never before have I wanted so badly to

neuter or spay my dog!" Judge Reinhold looked at the jury and said, "well?" A woman in a cowboy hat kicked her

Head as rover watched before biting her ankle.

No-one was amused by this. We were all transfixed by the TV screen as the horrifying events unfolded live. By which I mean

David Walliams performing and ear - piercing impression of Madonna. After the 'song' was finished I heard some dreadful news; this was on ITV-which meant the adverts were starting!

I found the ear piercing impression of Madonna pretty decent. The wrinkly puckered skin around the piercing was the spitting image of Madonna post botox implosion.

Luckily, even though Madonna was pierced through and through she didn't mind running back to turn of the stove, so that solved one problem. But we didn't have enough Band-aids to

keep her from bleeding out. The last thing Madonna whispered was Pierre I love you. I assumed she meant Peter who was her six year old cocker spaniel who sat whining.

Then I saw the bottle of Perrier. "Looks like mineral water couldn't keep you alive after all," I said to her stiffening corpse. So much for clean living.