I walked into the mall. I had to go badly.

  • I walked into the mall. I had to go badly. I pushed through crowds of people, rushing to the bathroom. I was about to explode. Once I finally got there, I saw someone

  • had put a card reader in front of the stall. Five dollars for a toilet? The attendant approached me. "Sir, this is not just any mere john, this is the royal throne." Desperate, I

  • swiped my credit card on the stall not once, not twice, but three times, knowing it was going to take me a while. The stall door opened. I was blinded! A diamond-studded toilet

  • tank and opalescent seat awaited me. I felt like royalty sitting upon my throne with a solid gold plunger at my side. When I pushed the button music played or maybe I imagined that

  • It was both amazing and so incredibly strange at the same time, and I wasn't even sure how to process everything that had happened recently. How had

  • a nobody like myself suddenly become the King of all unreasonable beings? So I went for a ride into my newfound domain. After a while, my elephant stopped and refused to go further

  • He'd seen a hot male elephant and was all about wooing that honey. "Oh man, I just be came king of this unreasonable land. Move elephant!" With that he flung me head long into the

  • Mouth of the elephant. I was rescued by Floppy the Robot. Floppy asked what I saw there and I replied the Grand Hotel on steroids. The elephants have a huge memory, I confirmed.

  • But the Sub-Continent was not done with us yet. The train's next stop saw us reloading water in Phlim Phlam, home of the flim flam. Floopy the Robot lost his oil buying snake oil.

  • Floopy was now drippy. The chaming snake salesmen wore chain mail to endure a self-inflicted scale flailing, for cheating the robot out of his oil and his slippery ruses uncoiled.



  1. PurpleProf Sep 08 2017 @ 19:03

    I can't help but think that the latter half of the story is a metaphor for things that sometimes happen in public restrooms.

  2. Woab Sep 11 2017 @ 14:49

    You mean "my elephant stopped", "he flung me headlong", "Floopy the robot lost his oil" and "Floopy was now drippy" could euphemisms for other things?

  3. SlimWhitman Sep 11 2017 @ 15:45

    Oh no! Has my fold been euphemised?

  4. LordVacuity Sep 11 2017 @ 18:10

    Yes Slim, you have snake oil and TP on your shoes.

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